"I wish I could buy me a spaceship and fly past the sky...I wanna fly, I wanna fly...I said I want my chariot to pick me up and take me brother for a ride..." ~Kanye West ,"Spaceship"
These words have been and continue to be my thoughts right now as I try to process what has happened in the recent weeks and years passed in relation to #BlackLives. Listening to this song from Kanye West’s seminal first album The College Dropout evoke a plethora of emotions. Fear. Anger. Passion. Frustration. After hearing the announcements of “no indictments” for the Mike Brown case in Ferguson, MO and the Eric Garner case in Staten Island, NY I wanted to buy that spaceship from Kanye; and even more I began to wonder and question how much does my #BlackLife really matter? With all the events and protests happening in Oakland, at UC Berkeley, and nationwide I have to take a moment to reflect on what was and had happened to these #BlackLives.
One would think that the United States is simply numb to all of the #BlackLives that have been killed over the course of numerous years from the killing of Emmett Till and the lynch mobs, to the assassinations of Malcolm X and Martin Luther King, Jr.. It is very clear that Mike Brown and Eric Garner are not the first cases where I have sat wiping my tears in solace watching #BlackLives taken without hesitation, but these events opened my eyes to this ongoing #BlackLife trauma. These questions began to affect me in 1992 with the beating of Rodney King in Los Angeles, CA—at the time I was only 11 years but I understood that an injustice had taken place. After this case it seemed as though the violence had simmered, at least from what I could remember. But then in 2006, my wounds opened again with the Jena Six case in Louisiana. Then three years later in the early hours of New Years Day in 2009, 23 year-old Oscar Grant III was fatally shot by a BART police officer in Oakland. In 2012 in the Midwest, CeCe McDonald suffered a racist and transphobic attack. In that same year, 17-year-old Trayvon Martin was fatally shot; in 2013, 19-year-old Renisha McBride was fatally shot in Dearborn Heights, Michigan. These are just a few cases that have been brought to our attention. There are many more #BlackLives whose names we do not know or have any audio or video of. #BlackLives continue to be targets whether they make the news, or simply become just another life taken.
At times I feel like the last words spoken from Eric Garner, “I Can’t Breathe” become what I am feeling as my thoughts and hopes are dashed and suffocated by “trigger happy” enemies and authority figures. As I watch the protestors literally pass by my home, the buildings where I study and have class, and stop traffic on the streets where I travel I am simultaneously frightened and overwhelmed by all the organized chaos. I had seen and heard about protests taking place through social media and news outlets and stories from my elders but, now I was witnessing with my own eyes. Even as I type this it is hard to fathom that I live in a nation where my life can be videotaped and taken in an instant without any recourse.Dissonantly, I recall when one of my mentors from undergrad told me, “the world is yours.”Yet, I wonder, if the nation does not even want to see me exist, and can act on that wish,…then how can anything be mine?
As the protestors pass my home, I contemplate my role as a Black woman PhD student in African American Studies. I grapple with where I fit in within the movement, I weigh my anger and my future aspirations. How do I contribute to the cause without being shamed or, worse, running away? I understand that I am not built to stand on the front lines, nor am I a voice to lead a movement, but I do play a part. Over the years, I am learning more and more that my voice may not be a physical one, but through my actions whether it is through my research on superhero constructions, my expertise in social media, or offering and participating in support systems. I recognize my role in the diversity of tactics required for the defense of #BlackLife. As long as #BlackLives continue to be abused, wounded, or worse killed my #BlackLife must always be alert. Everyday remains a struggle and I take temporary comfort in Kanye’s words, "I wish I could buy me a spaceship and fly past the sky...I wanna fly, I wanna fly... I said I want my chariot to pick me up and take me brother for a ride..."
*Also featured in "The Diaspora: Black Matters Issue"
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